Fulfillment
by Pensulliwen
Summary: Sasuke's entire life had been preparation for this moment, in the middle of it there is no before or after. But killing Itachi might not be how Sasuke had imagined it at all. God-like tolerance of run-on sentences required, breif SasuSaku if you squint.


**Spoilers:** None, now AU.

**Fulfillment**

**By Allegra**

Fulfillment. It was something Sasuke hadn't felt in a very long time; he couldn't remember a time in his life when he'd felt utterly at peace with himself. There were small triumphs: the thrill of a battle won, the joy of successfully mastering a new technique, but beneath it all was the underlying hatred. The knowledge of what it all led up to. Knowing that winning the fight was just another step towards beating him, the new jutsu simply another tool in his arsenal of weapons for the sole purpose of achieving his revenge. He'd poured everything into that one intention; his time, his humanity, his soul. He dedicated his life to becoming stronger, striving towards the day when he'd rip off that bastard's head. Make him feel the pain he'd felt so long, make him suffer as he had.

He'd gotten distracted, but Orochimaru reminded him of his purpose. How ironic that was, how easy it had been to kill him. How hard to kill someone infinitely less powerful, but so much more precious. How hard to leave a girl's tear-stained face behind, to walk away from her and towards the snake who was after the same thing he was; power. Perhaps that was why it had been so easy, strange that it was harder to kill betrayed friends than an image of himself.

His entire life he'd made sacrifices, plowing forwards with no thought for the future. Anything to become stronger, anything to kill him. Broken hearts, literal and metaphorical, what did he care? Time before killing him was meaningless, time wasted. Time after did not exist.

But suddenly as his sword was thrust through Itachi, as he felt the metal piercing the object of so many years hatred, that cursed flesh finally spewing blood, it did. It wasn't nearly as good as he'd thought it would be. A highly anticipated first kiss proved to be nothing more than what you'd been receiving from your mother for years, not that Sasuke had much experience with kissing. Bitter disappointment filled him as he heard a faint gurgling sound come from Itachi's throat. Nothing. He'd killed before; there was no pleasure in this.

Sasuke's brow creased angrily, this wasn't right. He'd wasted his entire life for this? This monster had killed his whole family, his clan, he was responsible for every piece of misery that had plagued Sasuke's life since he was old enough to walk; why was there no pride, no peace? Sasuke twisted the sword and heard Itachi's breath catch shortly, why wouldn't he scream? Would he like to hear him scream, would that ease his conscience? Sasuke swiped the sword clear through him, more blood gushing out of Itachi's mouth as the sword cleaved through muscle tissue and bone alike. His lung was torn in two pieces, ribs poked out of ruptured flesh at odd angles, surely he was dead now. Itachi's hand twitched a bit and Sasuke let out an angry roar as he chopped it clean off. So much red staining his vision, so much pain, Sasuke could almost feel it. _Why didn't he like it?_

He'd imagined this so many times, how could this not feel worth it? Itachi's eyes were glazed over now. This wasn't how he'd planned it. His dream had evolved over time, and though he couldn't predict exactly how the battle would go years ago, the ending was always the same. He cornered him, stabbed him. Sasuke was cool and light headed, this much he had achieved. No monologue, he'd simply say 'this is for our family', and Itachi would die. He would be happy, he would feel elated. Everything would be alright. So why, looking at Itachi's face, did the now sole surviving Uchiha feel absolutely nothing? This wasn't for his family; this was for him, to put his soul at peace, but he felt nothing!

Something finally took over him, the adrenaline he'd been craving or madness he did not know. He hacked at Itachi's body- corpse, for he was long dead now- mercilessly. Blood flew, the body was mangled and broken, but still Sasuke felt no relief. Angry tears stung his eyes, why wouldn't he feel anything? At length he stopped, collapsing from exhaustion, for the first time seeing the extent of the damage he'd inflicted. Itachi's severed head lay several feet away from its original body; it was not a clean cut, tissue clung raggedly to shards of what must have once been his spine. His left hand was missing; the arm seemed to be dangling by a thread itself. Sasuke noted the odd angle it hung at and guessed that it was broken in more than two places. The other arm was slashed as well, bleeding and broken; a chunk seemed to be missing from his shoulder. Multiple gashes littered his body, some deeper than others. One jagged diagonal line had cut clean through him, guts and who knows what else poured out of his abdomen, leaving an acrid stench in the air. How had all of that fit in there? His legs were twisted, ripped, bloody, how had they gotten in that position surely he hadn't done that he would have known if he'd done that, he would have felt it he would have felt happy knowing how much pain he was causing him after everything he would have felt relieved, he would have taken pleasure in causing that pain but wait- Itachi was already dead, glazed eyes felt no pain so then why had he mutilated him when there was no pain to be felt nothing, empty eyes, the eyes of his brother. His brother. His _brother._

Sasuke leaned onto his side just in time as he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the already gore-stained ground. This wasn't right; this wasn't how it was supposed to be. He lifted himself shakily. The scene in front of him wasn't how he'd planned it. There were different versions over the years; a clean one, simply running him though and proving himself better. A messy one, the scene in front of him but never like that, not after he was dead, just staring up like that. Unfeeling, pointless, there was no passion in it. The fury wasn't directed at Itachi, it was directed at his cold, unfeeling self, no longer able even to feel the pleasure of what he'd been working for his entire life.

Pointless.

This rendered his entire life meaningless, had there ever been any worth in existing? As he slashed at the corpse of his long-dead brother, he'd no longer been attacking the demon of his past. He was attacking himself, the demon of his present. He'd been willing himself to feel after casting off emotion, fighting in the only way he remembered for the humanity he'd left behind. He'd left everything behind and he'd never regretted it. He'd never let himself regret it, it was all for the greater good, all for his goal. He'd thrown so much away, he'd never thought of wanting it back. Now it was far gone, out of reach. It was foolish, to think that he could just will it all back now, but what had he accomplished? He'd killed his brother. He'd gotten revenge. He didn't care.

"Sasuke?" A shrill voice called, filled with far too much adoration for his taste. Sasuke gritted his teeth, longing for solitude. If he no longer felt, how was it possible for that grating voice to elicit so much annoyance? Maybe he'd never quite perfected Itachi's art after all. And that's what he'd been doing, wasn't it? Striving to be just like him.

"Sasuke!" Karin sang gleefully, transgressing upon his space with Suigetsu, looking pleased with himself, and Jugo in tow. He'd told them to stay away. Sasuke's face was blank as he stood up, facing the group of freaks that when added to himself formed Hebi. He snorted to himself, at least internally as the corners of his mouth didn't so much as twitch. What a foolish idea, they'd done him no good.

"Ew." Karin uttered, wrinkling her nose in distaste. Her reaction was momentary as it was quickly replaced with a grin. "You beat him I see, of course you did. I knew you would kill him."

Suigetsu whistled, taking in the sight. "Had a bit of fun, did you?"

He could kill him. Maybe he would kill him. Jugo said nothing, his face neutral as he took in the carnage.

"I'm sorry for not waiting. Suigetsu disobeyed your orders and fought Kisame. Then Karin insisted upon coming." He explained. Suigetsu and Karin both looked annoyed; the first from not being able to brag about beating the Akatsuki member and the later from being told on. Karin quickly draped her arms around him.

"That's because I was worried about you." She cooed.

He hated her. He'd found her an annoyance but now fully admitted to himself how much he loathed her, and he new why. She reminded him of another woman he'd called annoying, one he'd left behind. He hated her for reminding him of that person, he hated himself for caring. He hated the way it was like three years had never passed, as if Sakura (there, he said the damn name) was the way she had been before, like nothing had happened. Like it was all meaningless, meaningless!

"Let me tell you, the shark guy was pretty tough, being from the same former group and all. But I-"

"You were thinking of me, weren't you Sasuke?"

"-tried to stop them but-"

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke roared, shoving Karin hard enough that she landed several feet away. He should have bashed her head in. No, better, he should have pushed her right onto Itachi. Karin looked stunned, Suigetsu was snickering, Jugo was watching it all calmly, but none of it meant anything. He could kill them; he could kill all of them, that he was sure of. But he was afraid; afraid to seize Karin and rip her apart, afraid to watch her eyes dull before his. He was afraid he wouldn't care.

"Hebi is disbanded." He uttered simply, turning to leave. Karin looked like she might scramble after him, but thought better of it. Suigetsu shrugged nonchalantly.

"Bit anti-climactic." He muttered, turning to face Jugo. A grin spread across his face. "But this works out nicely, I got a good battle and now that he's gone, I can finally have a go at you." Jugo nodded.

"But after that I'll have to find someway to suppress my urges again." He mused. That was a bit troublesome, but another way to calm his sudden urges to kill anything in sight couldn't be too hard to find. If worst came to worst there was always Oroshimaru's old tactic.

"You won't have to worry about that." Suigetsu assured him cockily.

The rest faded into background noise as Sasuke walked away. Clashing of steel and a yell of irritation became a small buzzing noise. No longer part of his life, unimportant. He walked away from it the same way he'd walked away from everything else; with no regrets.

But this was different. There was no sense of urgency pushing him forwards, no reason to place one foot in front of another but habit. Annoyed, he took off, running fast enough that most people would see no more than a blur. He was in the air, speeding past trees. There was no exhilaration, no release. The wind rushing past him fell on numb skin. He didn't stop. The annoyance vanished, like everything else. There was no reason to be annoyed. No reason to run, no reason to stop. He didn't know where he was headed; there was no reason to care. It was foolish really, he couldn't think of any reason to suspect or wish that he might be headed towards a girl with pink hair. Pointless, but he felt like it might be something he wanted to see.

_AN: This was sort of the failed rough draft for Theory of Time; killing Itachi was meant to be a prelude, but as with most of my fics, it started writing itself and I really didn't have much of a say anymore. This was written before the face-off in the manga, just my musings on how much Sasuke could take before going absolutely insane; here characterized by run-on sentences of death. I get the feeling that Sasuke REALLY hated Karin, because she's Sakura's first-chapter annoyance with clinginess x9000. Seeing as he's trying to forget about all of them, I'm surprised he hasn't shoved her off a cliff by now. But then she's always characterized in my stories as more annoying than she really is, due to her minor roles; I'll make it up to her someday._


End file.
